Love is hard. Seriously, have you tried loving [ insert the name of your least favorite family member, or maybe even your parent]? They can be shockingly unlovable.

Sometimes they tell you what to do, then they complain about your style, then they tell you that you picked the wrong career. Every time you try to show even a little bit of love, they think it is fake and don’t trust you. That is hard. That is painful.

However, love is a skill, and you can graduate to a master black-belt love spreader with diligent practice. [ In reality, this is not true; love just IS, but if I tell you it is a skill, you might actually try to develop the skill, because by training it, you can uncover that you always had it ]

Level zero is when you think the world is some sort of stinking piece of #$!$@, and you hate everyone, including yourself. If you are at this stage, it means you have simply not yet started training the ‘love skill’. That’s okay, don’t worry about it. Most of us started here. Nobody knows martial arts when they are born, so this logic can almost correctly be applied here, too, with a few caveats we shall not get into.

Level ten, or grandmaster Yip Man, Buddha, Yoda level of love, is when you have the ability to love everyone and everything. People who wish you ill, your childhood bully, your least favorite food, your mom, and Putin. That is a very hard thing to achieve, but luckily for you and me, this level is not strictly necessary to simply have a good, enjoyable life.

Since I have no desire to create some sort of convoluted ‘love-development’ system, I did not really think through all the other levels. In martial arts, they were also only developed for the ‘logical-mind’ people, and in many Chinese Kung Fu schools, they never had levels or belts, for example. Love is the same. Just start practicing, and keep practicing.

Now, most people struggle with the whole love concept because they start at the wrong end of the ‘love-skill-spectrum’. They want to immediately be able to love all those aforementioned bad guys, but even more interestingly, themselves. Please remember, loving yourself is very important, but you need a lot of training to truly love yourself, so please proceed with great caution.

Loving people you care about, including your friends, for example, can be very difficult. They know you very well, and as such, are more comfortable around you, so when you show them love, they will resist and fight back, not willing to admit that they actually have love inside of them too. If they do, their whole world will fall apart, so they will do anything to stop this from happening. They will say you are fake, they will ignore your love, not listen to your advice and help, and try to get you to do very unhealthy and unloving things. Do not fall into this trap; this is a very hard level to deal with. Parents are even worse - they know you inside and out, and they will evade most of your ‘love-attacks’. So, I would not recommend starting here.

Instead, I would suggest starting with waiters, bar tenders, cashiers, people on the bus, or someone in the waiting line. First of all, they don’t know you, so the worst thing that can happen is that they will think that you are a little strange. More importantly, these interactions are very short, so they don’t have time to argue, process, and defend themselves from your love. This is because they do not expect it, and this is the best time to strike.

We meet unhappy ‘service’ people every day, and many of us play into their game of trying to prove to themselves that they are not good enough. Here they are doing their best to show how miserable they are by saying something rude to you just because they had a few bad days. They scream out loud that they want the world to confirm that they are indeed bad. Unfortunately, the world complies, because when they are rude to you, it hits your ego, and your own attempts to prove to yourself that you are in fact a good person. Yes, we often try to prove both that we are good, and that we are bad - at the same time. One part of you is trying to show you love. The other part is sabotaging you. In reality, both are pointing towards the same thing, so you answer something rather abtuse, escalate, and hurt their feelings, spoil your day, and then enjoy the misery together. At least you found some unity and connection, but perhaps not the kind you were seeking.

Surprise. There is an alternative path. Be nice. Show them some love. Tell them that they have a pretty ponytail, or that you really liked how they served the food. It is important not to make this up, but to pick something you genuinely feel is good in them. People are very good at spotting ‘imposter-love’.

You can also be funny or philosophical. You can do anything, as long as you do it from a place of love and it fully expresses who you are. For instance, since I like to talk, to write, and to generally use words, I might say something like: “Hey… pssst. Let me tell you a secret. When I was a waiter, I really hated my job too. Are you stuck here? Are they holding you hostage? Can I help you out and save you? Maybe find you a better job? There is also a flower shop nearby, maybe you want some flowers?”

This is overkill for many, I know, and I admit that this particular attempt is a bit risky - but that is who I am, and if it comes from love, this is enough.

Remember, this is just training. Training with strangers is the best. It is free - give high five to random people, tell compliments left/right and center, buy random gifts for strangers (good practice is to always carry 3-5 giftable items with you), do small random acts of kindness. Expect nothing back; otherwise, your ego gets too excited. In fact, it’s best to immediately disappear before they start praising you for your kindness.

When you start doing it, it will take you some time, but within a few months, you will be ready to tackle your distant friends, and who knows - maybe relatives, and in the end, the final boss - yourself.